this was a day that still is. it still hasn't ended. and i don't think it ever will.


that's me. with him.


please go look at the world through his eyes.


that's all you have to do.

i have reached the age and time when
i can no longer tollerate narrowminded people
i can no longer tollerate uncharitable people
i can no longer tollerate ignorant people

last night i had to make a bad, bad decision. someone i have known for over 5 years just came into focus in my mind. i realized that they filled all three criteria and i was left wondering, "why are you here? i don't spend time with people like that, and you are one of those people."

i don't feel duped, i don't feel stupid, but as soon as i had the realization i made my decision.

they kept trying to talk and i used one of my own forbidden words, "shut up".

and then it was done.

a point of 'no going back' is rare for me, i don't usually operate that way but this was just over in a way that i can't describe.



so it's time to settle accounts and clean house. i've not got time for this shit or the people who embody it. i feel terribly intolerant but at the same time, i can't drink bitter water anymore, i can only absorb so much.


and while i am no one's teacher or preacher, i'm going to tell everyone to do the same, look around and clear the shitheads out of your life. i feel like crap, but i feel better.

new work
at first i was going to call them 'tunnel vision' because they all seemed like those things that you see down a long tunnel in a dream, real feelings but not physically real.
and how do you explain those feelings to someone, that are so real to you, that make you do things, prompt your behavior and there's nothing substantial to show as a source?
they cart people off to scary hospitals for visions.

there's those places you remember as a child, a house where you used to live, a street where you used to play or a winter season when something happened and now the snow always reminds you.
and then there's those places your mind 'makes up' so it can make sense of things, editorial license with your past and it's more about what you remembered that you saw than what your eyes actually did see.
so too, we have places (real and metaphorical) that we hope we'll get too, destinations in the world, sunsets on beaches, natural wonders, and places that involve people we haven't met yet, but we hope we do.

what do you see when you close your eyes?


<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

travail
i've been working on some collaborative design projects with a good friend. i feel incredibly fortunate that when we work together the sparks fly, in a good way, and we produce good work that is shown in public. one item will be on display i a museum in england before the end of the year.

fait choses
my canvas that i built turned out well! it got painted (i fudged and used white latex primer instead of gesso) and now i am playing with various designs on it. it will hang in my living room and will be more 'spatial' art, something to fill a wall, rather than anything in particular. i'll post photos to my scraps.

froid
i don't usually like winter but there is a huge snow storm coming in tonight and tomorrow and i can't wait. i'm not sure what to make of my new found liking for bad weather. the cold itself is still my enemy, so i've not gone completely mad.

les autres
yes it's true - i twitter.

i now sit in the east - i am worshipful master of my lodge this year. people are treating me with soft gloves and asking my permission for things, it's weird.

i'm half way thru learning the hebrew alphabet.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

[link] - this site has some amazing works of art, take the time to look thru and see what they are made of.

[link] - now i know this may ruffle some feathers but i have to say, finally! someone is speaking sense.

[link] - for anybody who likes star wars, esp. those who couldn't like the "first three", read this for a totally different take.

"and all the people i was kissing, some are here and some are missing. but in spite of dreams, i thought that you'd be sitting somewhere here with me."

well 2007 will go down as a year of changes and shifting sands. some things have come back, some things have left forever and some things came and went sooner than i ever guessed they would.

it's all very bitter sweet to tell you the truth.

i needed to clear the previous journal so i am just throwing this in here with a few links. i'll be back to update it in a day or so. right now the tornado that lifted me off the ground at 10.30am this morning still has me in it's grasp, but it's all ok... i'm the king of cups.

i like this quick reference: [link]

this site made me think about my friend in illinois, this is for you J-Man: [link]

and just because i love things that throw spanners into works and aspersions into people's deepest set beliefs: [link]


and I am strangely attracted to reading from the LOLCAT bible: [link]

More later...

constructionist art
well, as part of a process i've had in mind for quite some time, i've built my first canvas. i've been toying with the idea of constructing the art materials as well as creating the art itself. the next step is to make my "paintbrushes" too. i'm not sure about the paint as i don't know how to make it from scratch. i know i can get pigments and solutions for it, but i may just settle on my old acrylic friends in the big plastic box in the cupboard.

i still have so many unfinished canvasses with half-forgotten works on them, i feel bad, they're like neglected dirty children going feral, living under the bed and eating dust-bunnies. at work i'm moving to a new office (we all are) on campus and so i've been asked by my boss to make something 'wonderful' to go on the walls. i'm thinking of a few 3D works as well as more traditional 2D artwork.

night of shadows
halloween came and went. i was going to turn my desk into a 'dark arts' altar, i had all the gear, black and white candles, ceremonial dagger, bowl, ouija, tarot cards, pentacles, etc. but one of my team had (another) death in her family (2 in a month) the day before and so it dawned on me it might be a tad insensitive to really do anything, so i passed. i did see a lion riding a motorbike on the freeway though, on the way home. no, really.

i thought of my witchy friends, the priests and druids, the true 'watchers' and walkers of this world who observed the turning and the light lit from within to compliment the 'outer' darkness that comes upon us. rush on december 21st is all i'll say. halcyon days.

ch-ch-ch-changes
so many people seem to be either going thru harsh changes or i feel like that they're about to be given opportunities for change at the moment.

play on
i recently heard and obtained the latest album by enigma and really liked it. it's called 'a posteriori'. other new discoveries include 'the pigeon detectives' (think 'the killers' in a naughty mood), mark knopfler's 'kill to get crimson' (excellent 'northern folk' combined with classic knopfler), siouxsie sioux's 'mantaray', a great band called "persephone's bees' and another band called 'silversun pickups'.

beans and socks
yeah, stupid reference to boston there. i've been asked to be on standby for a possible business trip to boston in a few weeks time. here's the weird thing... i think i've been there. but i can't remember. something says i have, but i can't separate it out from all the other places. i'm going senile.


bookend
not much else to say really, i enjoy reading all your journals, even if i don't reply (i do in my head ok, so just get with the telepathic thing already). i want to hibernate thru winter, as always, and am thinking that, after burying myself for 5 months in a new job that at christmas i may just slip away for a few days to somewhere warm that doesn't have any telephones.

hope you all are well.